Odyssey of Jerry Wallace

My use of DXM has been

WOOPS!  You know what?  Using a sock is a great way to clean up those nasty coffee spills.

Anyway, my choice to use DXM has been a controversial one among some people I know.  Here’s how the numbers break down: 99% seem to think it was a bad choice.

It could be said that DXM caused me to throw my life away, but the proper interpretation is that DXM enabled me to completely change my life in just eight years instead of continuing to tread water, spending every waking moment just trying not to be miserable, only accomplishing a sad, yet stable 50 years of suck.

The breakup of my marriage enabled my ex-wife to get the man she really wanted and needed, freeing me from trying to become what she wanted, which I couldn’t have done.  Continuing to try would have depended resentment and made our marriage much worse than it already was, resulting in the end of the marriage one day, anyway.

I wrote most of the blog posts on The Odyssey of Jerry Wallace a while back when I was entertaining myself by coming up with some pretty exciting theories on the way everything works.  It looks like bipolar mania, but it’s not.

There is something afoot in the universe that is completely outside our human frame of reference.  It’s impossible to put into words what’s there because it’s based on common and shared consciousness and as humans we’re only familiar with being alone in our own heads.

The sensation of connecting with that universal consciousness (and all the levels in between) has driven many a person to say some pretty spectacular things.  But, those things are always said with bias towards our own ego, to some degree.

It’s possible to remove most of your ego from the process, but it takes years and years.

Early on, if you’re a person who’s searching for spiritual answers, and if you’ve studied the belief system engendered by the Bible and found much of it to be so illogical that those parts must have been a product of human engineering, then you might find yourself sad because you believe there is no savior.

And then, if you come into contact with this universal consciousness, suddenly you “see” everything, but you can’t quite interpret it directly.  So, you use what you know and start seeing it as “messages” from a dualistic God (God being something apart from you).

You might think you were chosen to receive these messages; when, actually you’ve just contacted what anyone could contact and what we’ll all be in communion with after our earthly demise.  So, see, by thinking you’ve been chosen, you’ve really chosen yourself.

And then you might think you’re the one — a comforting thought because you know you exist, and if you’re a messiah then at least you know there’s a messiah.  Or you might think you’re The Messiah.

Whatever.

Right now around the world millions of people are tuning in to this station.

And, the universal consciousness is listening to everything you think, Radio Head.

This song is written from the perspective of “God.”

When he says he’s listening to the station from inside you’re head and it sounds like the sound of a brand new world, this is another statement that we are here to provide a brand new “world” of experience for the universal consciousness.  Things are exciting when they’re new, and the universe is old, so to experience some new excitement, we were created to live a brand new world.

I love you!


Comments

9 responses to “Odyssey of Jerry Wallace”

  1. And my idea of being homeless, before i was, was not one of freedom from The Man on the open road, it was that I was sure that surely that would make me miserable enough to carry out a successful suicide. At the time, failure at suicide was the only thing that disappointed me more than failing at my marriage and failing to build a strong family. But, it turned out, that being homeless was sort of an exciting adventure and I still noticed when it was a nice day outside.

    How wonderful it is that the Earth is the Earth. It's neither static nor too unstably dynamic, and it's beautiful even when it's blowing your house away. I definitely want to live away from the heat in the summer, though. I guess I just need to make some money. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Did we learn to keep living together? Actually, our fights became more frequent and I got more mean about them. We weren't supposed to keep living together, but we wanted to keep living together. But I wasn't going to become completely what she needed, and apparently I needed to sink down low low low… into homelessness. Frankly, I'd been toying with it in my head for a number of years — just packing a backpack and walking off to see how hard it would be to survive.

  3. My opinion of myself was lower than low because I was thinking along the lines of that person's comment — that I had abandoned my family for drugs. So, I bought a shotgun and then figured out how awkward it was going to be to shoot myself with it and end up dead (rather than a circus freak)… but I could reach the trigger with the barrel in my mouth, pointed at my brain instead of my nose, and so I did that and then thought I'd take a last look around and it was my favorite kind of night.

    And I lived in a really noisy apartment, right next to 169 in Tulsa… but I'd never been out so early in the morning (it was like 2:30 or 3) when there weren't cars on the highway. It was quiet. The sky was clear. It was a cool fall morning. The wind was blowing enough to keep the trees humming.

    So, police… and mental hospital…

    After I got out, THAT'S when I decided to REALLY START TAKING DRUGS. I put some great effort into that. ๐Ÿ™‚ Was it fun? No, it's wasn't just a blast… but it did fuel hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and days and days and days of talking with Tracia… And then it caused hardship — we had shelter but no food or money for drugs — and that went on for months and months, but we got a lot closer during that time… and we had to learn to keep living together even though it was horrible and more boring than before…

    And then the need for money (mainly for drugs, but also for cheese enchiladas) caused me to suddenly think that I should go back to work (I had declared to #1 that I was NEVER GOING TO EARN ANOTHER FUCKING DOLLAR AGAIN, YOU GREEDY B*TCH…) I don't think she was greedy — I just chose to look at it that way… I think she was freaking because it looked like I might just give away everything and then she and our babies would be in deep doodoo.

    So, drugs changed my mind about working.

    Anyway, as I look back, I can say that it was frequently awful, certainly not the social norm (but they can suck it), but sometimes wonderful, and it was all for the best.

  4. It's a good thing no excuse needs to be made.

    Here's an excuse I'm glad I'm not tempted to make to myself or my ex-wife: Yes, our lives suck because we're not happy, and our kids lives were awful because we expressed mostly frustration and anger in front of them, but, at least we were together and they got to see that crap every day until one of us died.

    The performance of our kids in school, extra curricular activities, and the joyfulness they demonstrate in front of my father and his wife is evidence enough for me that my ex-wife did find the right man for her and they've made a happy home — no doubt it's much happier than the way our home was shaping up.

    I'm sorry if you made choices you now regret because you thought you were desperate.

    Going down the toilet surely isn't the end.

  5. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    Or it could be that it forced her to pick the first guy who came along that convinced her he loved her and her kids. But since she had put up with your bull shit for so long, she had no clue what that should look like and flushed the kid's lives and her own down the toilet. Of course, that's not your fault, she made her own choices. But I've read some of your bull shit, and you can wax poetic all you like, but the fact remains, you abandoned your family for the sake of your high. There is no excuse.

  6. ๐Ÿ™‚ Indeed!!!

  7. Update: I stopped using the stuff long ago.

  8. Update: I used DXM in June, 2023.

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