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| This photograph appeared in Life Magazine in 1957. |
Recently, I’ve been sleeping at least three times a day.
One of the weird things I’ve noticed is that my dreams are never playgrounds and what I want never happens.
This morning, I woke up and was going to write about a dream I was having, but it was yet another sexually frustrating dream, and I decided I wasn’t going to write about why it went awry, so it was no story at all.
I will now say that the dream this morning involved this young lady who acts on Warehouse 13, but she had been morphed into a woman older than just 20, but it’s still embarrassing. I found this image on the website for a comic book store under the heading “Coolest Female Actors in Television Shows.”
The Warehouse 13 geek was fully dressed, in a dress, something the character would never actually wear.
But, the chick in the bathtub (different lady) a little while ago was not dressed. I was in the bathtub with her, wearing my clothes.
It seemed odd to me in the dream, so I decided to take off my clothes. Now I was really going to get somewhere.
So, I jumped out of the bathtub.
WTF? Why jump out? Never leave the scene.
Ok, no problem. Took off my soaking shirt and threw it in the corner.
It landed in a trashcan.
WTF?
Well, that was irritating to me, so I went to get it out of the trashcan. Then the woman in the bathtub wanted a trash bag for something else. And then I looked in the trashcan and it was my underwear and then this trash bag I found had some items of clothing in it, so I was asking her if she wanted me to just dump them out.
WTF?
I woke up.
These dreams are really starting to piss me off.
The one this morning, I could feel the dress on small of her back. This afternoon, her wet, soapy skin.
Who gets into a bathtub wearing a t-shirt and jeans?
There is no break from life, not waking, nor sleeping.
I’m not kidding around when I say this dream thing pisses me off. It’s not just the sex dreams, but nothing ever works out, it seems. I never get to go where I want to go and I’m always getting lost and there are complications and confusions and when I look again the thing I’m trying to figure out is never as it was before so then it’s something new to have to figure out, but here’s no figuring it out, anyway.
So, sleep isn’t much fun, but I’d rather be sleeping than typing this. Being awake is just preparation for being able to sleep.
My favorite video game isn’t much fun anymore. I’ve only been playing it for 12 years or so. Well, I did stop playing it regularly for several years.
I am really, really stuck. I can’t fix my life and I don’t want to live 30-50 more years of it. Hell, I don’t want to have to fill up the next three hours until I can get myself to take another nap.
The only reason I’m participating at all with the rest of you is because I haven’t been able to bring myself to end it yet and being alive without a place to live or any food at all is really, really uncomfortable. But, that makes me life’s bitch. I’m your bitch, I guess. I’m God’s bitch. The very second I can overcome this switch in my head, you can all go to hell and I’ll see you there.
There is no hell.
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