Jordyn Update: Name Removed

I recently made a post including my daughter’s full name so she would find it when she searches Google for her own name… And, it was the first thing on a Google search.

I’ve removed her full name because she might not want her friends finding my blog.  If she wants to know what I’m writing, she knows where to look.

I don’t want to cause discomfort or harm.  🙂

I’ll try to stop sending messages through public channels.

I want to have interactions with my kids.  I would love it.

I do want to be able to send Joshua a gift for his birthday.

I can wait.

I sincerely desire to make peace with my ex-wife.  I’m not who I used to be.  I want her to tell me directly how I should proceed with the kids, even if she would prefer I just chill for a while longer.

I want to make amends, but I understand I shouldn’t do that where it would cause harm.

UPDATE 1pm, the day before tomorrow:  Jordyn contacted the Donfather to pass along that she wants me to stop trying to contact her on Twitter.  Absolutely, I have now stopped.

You might think that I feel bad about her not wanting me to contact her, but I don’t.  I am relieved to have some feedback from her personally about how she wants me to behave.  It’s progress.

It’s the not knowing that gets into my head.  You would think that little hints here and there (and the big one of just not responding, in the case of Kristi) would be enough, but I’m always prone to read what I want to into the ambiguity.

Knowing specifically what someone expects or wants from me gives me the opportunity to comply.  I appreciate it.

UPDATE 1:12pm, today: There’s a gigantic fly in my apartment.  She’s bugging me, a bit.  I might have to make her stop flying around me.

Kristi: I make the minimum required payments on the past child support.  For some reason, DHS recently cut in half what I’m supposed to be paying.  In the past, I’ve paid extra and then reconsidered and went back to minimum.  Sometimes I’ve done this because I was sad that I don’t get to see the kids and I’ve wanted to blame you.  And sometimes I’ve done this because DHS started to garnish my checks (even when I’ve been making payments on time) and that irritates me (getting my employer involved when it’s completely unnecessary).

Yes, I do realize that I just wrote a paragraph that it’s nice to be able to comply with or meet the expectations of someone I care about, that it’s a nice placeholder and a good way to demonstrate a sort of relationship, and how it’s sorta of ironic that I’ve only done the minimum to pay off the last thousand $ or so of what I owe you.  While it seems like money should be just growing on trees for me, it isn’t.  I am glad though that I haven’t completely blown this off.

https://twitter.com/Autographz/status/461176243288043520/photo/1