Fear After Graduation

I’d always been telling myself that it was fear that kept us apart after graduation.  I’ve declined a number of sweet situations out of fear, so it would make sense that one was credit fear, too.  Plus, I’d let fear keep me from saying anything in the 7th grade and the 8th, and then on, so fear it was.

The summer we spent together as war torn adults was fantastic and scary and terrible and wonderful and miserable (when I was getting rained on) but it was sure comforting.  My brain rarely enjoys such quiet.

I decided I had to go back to real life.

Real life sucked, so I check out of it as well, but I didn’t go back to her.

As I was writing the first paragraph, I wondered how her life might have been different if I had not let what I thought was only fear keep us apart.

Oh, the frog and the scorpion.  The frog was nice, not afraid, and the scorpion wasn’t being evil, it was just being a scorpion.  They both drowned, anyway.

I fantasize that sometimes you read what I write.  You know I love you and I always have.

I feel fortunate that I’ve got so much loving going on and don’t need any loving back from them.  Well, need, want, and have to have are all different things.

I noticed that you did things for me without expecting anything in return.  I suspect you only do that for people you love and I appreciate it.