This blog is full of negative posts. As an alternative to gloom, sometimes I elected for crazy, so this blog is also full of crazy posts. I thought today I’d start the day by writing down a few positive things about 2011 plus another 18 days.
And now I’m finding this difficult. I don’t like talking about myself which is why this blog is full of negative and crazy — from times when I was desperate or crazy enough to write down things about myself, some of theme completely fictional.
The summer of 2010 was crazy and sometimes bad and sometimes wonderful, but the net effect was that I was looking at homelessness again coming up in the fall. Rather than do something constructive about it, I decided to cover my bedroom window with foil and hide in the dark room with the air conditioner somewhere near the Juno setting.
A friend said she wanted to start a business that included web design services, so I went to work with her and rented a room in her house. Of course, I couldn’t actually pay rent for the room in her house. But, a client found her and we started working for that client and soon I was able to pay the rent for the room in her house. That was late 2010.
In December of 2010, that client asked me to do some work for one of her customers. That customer needed new hosting and I needed a linux server somewhere to work on one of my projects, so I got into hosting websites. That customer went online in January of 2011.
[Wow, I really don’t like writing this, and I don’t think there’s any value in it for anyone else… just thinking about the positive things that have gone on this last 400 days or so is enough.]
Dear Babies:
Parts of 2011 were difficult, but things are much better today.
I’m hoping we can see each other next year around this time. You’ll be 16 and 11 years old. When we last saw each other, you were 9 and 4. I’m not a big math guy, but my calculator confirms that 314 years have passed.
I’m hoping we can see each other next year around this time, but if another 314 years pass, I’ll still be here hoping we can see each other next year around this time.
Here’s a bit of advice: When you repeatedly keep trying to flush your life down the toilet, and God keeps fishing your life back out with whatever He has on hand, then whatever. 🙂
Another bit of advice: Friends don’t take crap from you, but they don’t flush you down the toilet for trying to give them crap.
I will record one positive thing about myself: When I apply myself, I do seem to have a weird ability to accomplish computer programming feats in like 1/4 of the time it would take almost anyone else. My goal for 2012 is to apply myself more consistently.
Another goal for 2012 [by the way, it’s 6:18am now] is to become even more careful about what I say to other people. You don’t remember much about me, I’m sure, so you’ll not notice the difference, but today I’m practically a teddy bear. Today, I don’t take anything anyone says directly to heart. I think when you learn that what other people might say about you is sometimes not well considered, or really is saying something about themselves, or whatever, and you realize that you used to react to defend your own thoughts about yourself, and then you just go ahead and think those things about yourself and then you change your thinking about yourself and then you only really consider your own thinking about yourself (not ignoring other people, but what I think about myself is my decision)… anyway, you learn to be careful about what you say because most people are trapped in the cycle of letting other people control their feelings.
Oh well, I don’t even like that paragraph.
Project Elbow is now farther along than it ever had been. I think what’s helped is that I’ve moved away from the need for it to be perfect and I’ve even moved away from the need for it to be successful. I just have the need to get it online for the personal satisfaction of it.
So what’s the 6:18 thing?
My birthday is June 18th. So, in like 2004, I started taking special note when it was 6:18.
This was a big deal because I had stopped wearing a watch.
Then when I stopped carrying a cell phone, and lived in a place with no clocks, it was a big deal.
Now it’s sort of a cool check of the clock in my brain.
I wake up a lot in the middle of the night. I have this weird ability to know about what time it is. Maybe it’s not weird… I usually know when I went to sleep and brains keep time and there are clues (like how the moonlight has changed)… but I think it’s cool.
Since I don’t watch the clock, and my brain is searching out 6:18’s, then I think it’s neat when I see that it’s 6:18…. Especially if it’s been more than an hour since I’ve seen the clock.
I suppose someone could come up with the theory that I’m actually looking at the clock a lot more than I realize… I just don’t remember doing it unless it’s 6:18.
Whatever.
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