Rocketman

Music by Elton John
Lyrics by Bernie Taupin
Available on the album Honky Château

She packed my bags last night pre-flight
Zero hour nine a.m.
And I’m gonna be high as a kite by then
I miss the earth so much I miss my wife
It’s lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I’m a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone

Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact it’s cold as hell
And there’s no one there to raise them if you did
And all this science I don’t understand
It’s just my job five days a week
A rocket man, a rocket man

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time…

I’m thinking it’s important to redefine happiness as the absence of disaster, but at one time I thought I could redefine money as anything I put my signature on, so your mileage may vary.

I’m watching basically stolen video of a television show about a writer who is experiencing a terrible bout of  blockage-o-the-writing.  He spends his time exercising his loins… whatever they are.  Apparently they’re the tasty part of the beast, if they’re tender.

I really need to write something, either in English or in some computer language.

Or, perhaps I could invent some novelty product… The pet rock was done.  How about pet dirt?!  It would be a baggy, with some dirt in it, and a couple of googly eyes sitting on top.  Nothing is more fun than pet dirt.  It’s hard to share your pet rock, but easy to share pet dirt — your best friends can borrow an eye.

I’m mostly a waste.  🙂  I’m capable of writing computer programs as complicated as 95% of what’s out there, but I write nothing.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a computer scientist — I’m not into figuring out new ways to store, compress, or transmit data, but I certainly could have brought you porn on the internet, and failed to do so.

Speaking of porn on the Internet, I recently noticed an ad for something I thought up.  Obviously, I wasn’t the only one (or perhaps even the first one), but I failed to bring it to you.  I won’t describe it for fear of convincing you that I really am interesting in bringing you new and exciting pornography.

Why am I not a video game programmer?  Oh!  Oh!  Maybe because I have yet to write anything but “Hello World” in 3d.

I have several very good ideas for web sites.  I’m pretty sure I’ll see others get those done soon — vindicating my thoughts.

It seems so basic: People have a need.  If a computer program can meet their need, then they’ll pay to use it.  If the computer program is on the Internet then you don’t have high distribution and service costs.  If the idea is going to generate revenue by advertising then it has to be insanely popular.  If you’re going to charge a fee, then it only has to be popular enough to buy a house in Hawaii.

This is also basic: Developers can make a living out of taking shots at business plans with investor money.  Unfortunately, everyone thinks I’m untrustworthy (with good reason) so this is not a likely avenue for me.

Hell, I wouldn’t invest in me and frequently don’t.  I put my money in brass.  There’s going to be a comeback in brass, soon.

I need a project that directly makes money, in the beginning, with no rain-dancing required, that doesn’t bleed resources dry.

I recently spent some time with a person who absolutely will not pay for anything online.  In fact, she only plays computer games that people will pay her to play (they’re out there — http://www.gameduell.com, for instance).  I’ve known other people that think everything should basically be free.  But, there is a group of people out there who HAVE MONEY and are sick of being pestered left and right by advertisers and sick of having their personal information traded to marketers in order to save $5.  Their only problem is that it’s a hassle to pay $5… Heck, if you’re trying to collect $1 for something, then you’re really screwed.  Something that’s only a dollar is hardly worth typing in the credit card number for…

That being said, the free trial is important.  People don’t want to fork over $5 for something and then have to ask for it back.  They’re going to think it’s a scam because they know the seller is thinking it’s too much of a hassle to ask for $5 back, so they’re going to screw you out of the $5.

The whole television marketing thing is based on this: Try the mattress for 90 days!  If you’re not completely satisfied, then send it back.  Do you know how hard it is to send a mattress anywhere?!?!?  And what about the old mattress??!?  Did you store it for 90 days?  Perhaps they took it off your hands “for free.”

I tried to get my trade-in car back, once.  The dealership GM said, “I don’t have a trade here with your name on it…”

JoeDesktop?  I don’t think so.

Splats.  Splats.  Splats.

I’m going to see if Gimp (http://www.gimp.org) will run on this computer so I can gimp up some googly eyes on a bag of dirt for you.  I hope that’s really a bag of dirt and not a bag of dirt weed.  I can’t tell.  I hope you can’t.  I’m not promoting pot smoking, especially of dirt weed.  Dirt weed should be illegal.  Oh, I guess it is.