You Make Me So Mad

Actually, no one makes me mad.

If I get mad, it’s because I decided to get mad.

My use of that headline is an instance of manipulation.  In fact, if someone says “You make me mad!” to you, then they’re also trying to manipulate you — to get you to take responsibility for how they feel.

Someone who says, “You make me so mad!” is saying, “Hey, look how upset I am, you should feel terrible because you did this to me.  You suck.  Now do something to make me happy or else you will continue to suck.”

Some people are so off balance, they might hit you.  They might beat you up.  They might kill you.

POUND POUND POUND — NOW MAKE ME HAPPY, BITCH!!!  MAKE ME HAPPY!!!

I take a class on Wednesday nights taught by Dr. Dan Marker.

Dr. Dan is 72 years old.  He’s been studying psychology for more than 50 years.  He’s taught in universities.  He’s written the book for a course he created called IMPACT which deals with power and control issues.

His angle on solving anger problems is two prong.  He does deal with resolving behavioral problems, but mainly he educates people on why THEY DECIDE TO GET ANGRY.

It all boils down to shame, or core hurts.

Shame is a negative opinion you have about yourself that makes you hurt.

So, a “core hurt” is some psychological pain inside you, shame, which you constructed over time in response to how you were treated, probably when you were little.

Perhaps when you were little your father was having a bad day.  He was angry about something.  He was sulking.  He snapped at your mother.  He tripped on your Tonka Truck.  He yelled at your mother, “Why don’t you have these kids pick up after themselves?”

You were scared.

Your mother said, “Do you see how you made your father angry?”

Ok, I suppose it’s good that your mother didn’t take responsibility for your father’s mood, but she did pass the buck to you.  She should feel guilty about that today.

She shouldn’t feel SHAME though.  She’s not a bad person.  She just acted the way SHE WAS TAUGHT TO ACT.

We need to take responsibility for the things we say and do, but when we make a mistake, we need to view it as a mistake — it’s a transitory condition of being wrong — it is not a life sentence, it is not a scarlet letter, it is not change of your classification from winner to loser.

You’re not a loser.

I’m not a loser.

I’m a winner.  I’ve always been a winner.  Everyone starts out an instant winner in God’s game of life.  You are perfect, you were born perfect, you are exactly who you are supposed to be.  You have value just by the state of being alive.

If you feel you are less than a winner it’s because someone convinced you that you are less.

Sometimes people want to convince you that you suck, because they think they suck, and they need you to suck worse so they don’t feel so sucky.

“I’m king of the nerds!!”

I love you!!