Hey Little Red

I sincerely apologize. I was wrong about so many things. I behaved badly. At times, I was mean. I know I scared you. I know if I had done more to cooperate with you that both of our lives would have been better.

I hear that you, your DH, and the kids are doing great and that makes me happy. I hope that you have everything you always wanted.

Since high school you have given me numerous second chances and you were patient for quite a long time. I don’t think anyone else would have been quite so easy going.

When I said that terrible thing, I had become angry, but anger is a secondary emotion. What I felt first was a hurt because I realized that I had squandered your love and wasted what we had built. I was angry with myself.

When I said that I was thinking about killing myself, I was hoping that you would say that you still loved me and wished I wouldn’t do it. Your response surprised me, so I tried to scare you.

While I was ugly at times, I was never in the frame of mind to harm you or the kids.

I am guessing that you have preferred not to talk to me so that I would not have the opportunity to scare you again, and I accept responsibility for your reaction. This is all my fault.

I am hoping that you will find it in your heart to modify the protective order to allow you to contact me — not me to contact you or the kids. I am hoping that you will do this, and start a dialog with me, so that you can witness that I have changed.

I am still committed to your success and happiness. No matter what you decide, you’re still going to be receiving help from me as soon as I can send it. Just because those kids are no longer my legal responsibility makes no difference to me. They’re still my babies and I will improving their lives and yours soon… no matter what you decide… and no matter if I have to have a third party mail the checks.

I am begging you to please think up a way for us to resolve this. Please, please, please get the judge to allow you to contact me so that you may evaluate my sanity.

(I’m really not crazy.)

I still love you and I do not expect anything in return.

For when you are sick.

For when you are sad.

For when you are lonely.

For when you are tired.

For when you are mad.

For when you are better.

For when you are happy.

Joe (Winett)