Guess What, Chicken Butt – Joe has a Girlfriend

I’ve never met your girlfriend, but with all due respect… my girlfriend, she is better.

If you’re a girl, then my girlfriend is better than you. You don’t suck, but you’re not my girlfriend.

(I’m sure I’m missing a potential joke, but I’m just so distracted thinking about my girlfriend.)

Warning:

(1) Never operate a motor vehicle until you are sure of how having a girlfriend will affect your driving.

(2) Side effects of having a girlfriend may include manly giddiness, light headedness, and smiling.

(3) There is a small risk of death when having a girlfriend, although this risk is reduced if her father lives 11,479 miles away.

This may sound weird, but this is the first of my very few girlfriends whom I saw, then met, then befriended.

I saw #1 in school, but didn’t meet her. She ended up next to me in computer class and forced me to talk to her. She later set the agenda for everything from first kiss, to first apartment, first house, first baby, and first divorce. I was oblivious.

I got #2’s number from a friend because I was looking for an herbal commodity. We were almost instant friends, but a few months later she decided to hit me over the head with a brick and drag me back to her lair.

#3 found me out of some weird, freaky, angelic happenstance. She didn’t have to hit me over the head, but she found me and decided she wanted to talk to me and we became friends. We’re still best friends.

V (no number) moved to Shawnee last September. She and I started our jobs at places next door to each other during the same week. I love Chinese food and thought it was very lucky that my job was right next to a Chinese restaurant. I ate there and saw V.

I ate there the next Sunday and V waited on me, so I tried to talk to her.

Eventually I made V a picture (see: Instinct of the Heart).

Then I tried to talk to her some more.

And then one day, I wrote the address http://winett.com/art/ on a chopsticks wrapper and left it for her.

That night, I had a friend request from V on Facebook.

We have been chatting online and talking on the phone since.

Due to a slight misunderstanding, I missed Valentines Day, but thanks to a last minute call from the Governor Sunday night, Valentines Day was extended. I had so much fun getting a bag full of stuff together and giving it to her. I wasn’t as nervous as when I gave her the picture.

Ok, that’s the end of the story. I have confirmed plans to see her at a particular time on a particular date.

I’ve got to go pretend I’m going to sleep. Hopefully my brain didn’t read that last line and will be fooled into closing up shop for the night.

Sleep well!