Dear Fruit of the Loom,
As you may have heard, I recently named Fruit of the Loom the official covering manufacturer for my stuff. Your lovely little pants keep my stuff contained and protected from the ravages of denim chafing, winter chilling, and the prying eyes of cougars.
This letter concerns the pair of briefs I’m wearing now. You will recognize this blue pair by its serial number: 7615212356.
7615212356 has itchy tag stitching.
I’ve lost my receipt, so I don’t know if this pair is still under warranty, but I desire to reach some sort of resolution, perhaps to return these to you for repair.
I have considered removing the tag myself and have started researching the topic via the web, but there doesn’t seem to be a strong online consensus as to the proper procedure. I fear that I may blunder and cause irreparable damage to an important part of my clothing team.
Underwear is the foundation of all that we hold sacred in modern society. I double-dog dare you to imagine a world with no men’s underwear — all that flopping around.
Where would Stallone store his sock?
Where would the corner dealer hide his baggy?
What would protect my stuff from the cold, chafing world?
I’m sure using your underwear tracking software you can determine the point and date of sale of 7615212356.
Please help me Fruit of the Loom, you’re my only hope.
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